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well i wouldnt blame yourself in the slightest no matter how hard it is, you may feel you pushed him away when he needed you but he made the choice in going to her, sure we all have our weak moments but we know what we are doing. I'm sorry you feel how you do and things didnt work out but sometimes people just arent who they seem (etc why i made this thread in the first place) you might feel he changed because of her but whose to say she didnt just show him his true colors?

Im glad your still friends which is a plus since it could of been alot worse but stop blaiming yourself >.< you sound like a top girl! and your only giving yourself more trouble :/ the nightmares will go away tho they always do just sometimes takes alot longer for others.