To This Day Project - Shane Koyczan

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To This Day Project - Shane Koyczan
 Siren.Kalilla
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By Siren.Kalilla 2013-02-22 20:59:47
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I thought I'd share this with everyone since I found it to be so incredibly powerful and emotional for only being 7 minutes long, and I'd like to hear what others have to say about it. I'd also like to thank Drokin for sharing this video.

Please share what you think about it, and how it was presented, etc.

YouTube Video Placeholder


To This Day
When I was a kid
I used to think that pork chops and karate chops
were the same thing
I thought they were both pork chops
and because my grandmother thought it was cute
and because they were my favourite
she let me keep doing it

not really a big deal

one day
before I realized fat kids are not designed to climb trees
I fell out of a tree
and bruised the right side of my body

I didn’t want to tell my grandmother about it
because I was afraid I’d get in trouble
for playing somewhere that I shouldn’t have been

a few days later the gym teacher noticed the bruise
and I got sent to the principal’s office
from there I was sent to another small room
with a really nice lady
who asked me all kinds of questions
about my life at home

I saw no reason to lie
as far as I was concerned
life was pretty good
I told her “whenever I’m sad
my grandmother gives me karate chops”

this led to a full scale investigation
and I was removed from the house for three days
until they finally decided to ask how I got the bruises

news of this silly little story quickly spread through the school
and I earned my first nickname

pork chop

to this day
I hate pork chops

I’m not the only kid
who grew up this way
surrounded by people who used to say
that rhyme about sticks and stones
as if broken bones
hurt more than the names we got called
and we got called them all
so we grew up believing no one
would ever fall in love with us
that we’d be lonely forever
that we’d never meet someone
to make us feel like the sun
was something they built for us
in their tool shed
so broken heart strings bled the blues
as we tried to empty ourselves
so we would feel nothing
don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone
that an ingrown life
is something surgeons can cut away
that there’s no way for it to metastasize

it does

she was eight years old
our first day of grade three
when she got called ugly
we both got moved to the back of the class
so we would stop get bombarded by spit balls
but the school halls were a battleground
where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day
we used to stay inside for recess
because outside was worse
outside we’d have to rehearse running away
or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there
in grade five they taped a sign to her desk
that read beware of dog

to this day
despite a loving husband
she doesn’t think she’s beautiful
because of a birthmark
that takes up a little less than half of her face
kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer
that someone tried to erase
but couldn’t quite get the job done
and they’ll never understand
that she’s raising two kids
whose definition of beauty
begins with the word mom
because they see her heart
before they see her skin
that she’s only ever always been amazing

he
was a broken branch
grafted onto a different family tree
adopted
but not because his parents opted for a different destiny
he was three when he became a mixed drink
of one part left alone
and two parts tragedy
started therapy in 8th grade
had a personality made up of tests and pills
lived like the uphills were mountains
and the downhills were cliffs
four fifths suicidal
a tidal wave of anti depressants
and an adolescence of being called popper
one part because of the pills
and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty
he tried to kill himself in grade ten
when a kid who still had his mom and dad
had the audacity to tell him “get over it” as if depression
is something that can be remedied
by any of the contents found in a first aid kit

to this day
he is a stick on TNT lit from both ends
could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends
in the moments before it’s about to fall
and despite an army of friends
who all call him an inspiration
he remains a conversation piece between people
who can’t understand
sometimes becoming drug free
has less to do with addiction
and more to do with sanity

we weren’t the only kids who grew up this way
to this day
kids are still being called names
the classics were
hey stupid
hey spaz
seems like each school has an arsenal of names
getting updated every year
and if a kid breaks in a school
and no one around chooses to hear
do they make a sound?
are they just the background noise
of a soundtrack stuck on repeat
when people say things like
kids can be cruel?
every school was a big top circus tent
and the pecking order went
from acrobats to lion tamers
from clowns to carnies
all of these were miles ahead of who we were
we were freaks
lobster claw boys and bearded ladies
oddities
juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle
trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal
but at night
while the others slept
we kept walking the tightrope
it was practice
and yeah
some of us fell

but I want to tell them
that all of this ***
is just debris
leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought
we used to be
and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself
get a better mirror
look a little closer
stare a little longer
because there’s something inside you
that made you keep trying
despite everyone who told you to quit
you built a cast around your broken heart
and signed it yourself
you signed it
“they were wrong”
because maybe you didn’t belong to a group or a click
maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything
maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth
to show and tell but never told
because how can you hold your ground
if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it
you have to believe that they were wrong

they have to be wrong

why else would we still be here?
we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog
because we see ourselves in them
we stem from a root planted in the belief
that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and
sitting empty on a highway
and if in some way we are
don’t worry
we only got out to walk and get gas
we are graduating members from the class of
*** off we made it
not the faded echoes of voices crying out
names will never hurt me

of course
they did

but our lives will only ever always
continue to be
a balancing act
that has less to do with pain
and more to do with beauty.

“My experiences with violence in schools still echo throughout my life but standing to face the problem has helped me in immeasurable ways.

I wrote “To This Day”, a spoken word poem, to further explore the profound and lasting impact that bullying can have on an individual.

Schools and families are in desperate need of proper tools to confront this problem. We can give them a starting point… A message that will have a far reaching and long lasting effect in confronting bullying.”


- Shane Koyczan
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 Phoenix.Mitseru
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By Phoenix.Mitseru 2013-02-22 21:23:01
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That was truly beautiful , his words were more then sounds escaping his lips , it was emotion from his heart and soul. Not everyone knows how hard it is too be the odd ball or the "prey" . This is more then just another way to stand up for yourself this is courage , and strength . Self esteem raiser with more awareness we can make a difference . Just know that regardless of what people say you are beautfiul and you are loved. :)
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 Siren.Kalilla
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By Siren.Kalilla 2013-02-22 21:31:50
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Also, I formatted the OP a little more than I would, using different fonts and stuff, so if anything looks weird to you could you PM what is wrong and what browser you're using.
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By Shiva.Arana 2013-02-22 21:37:12
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Kali why you make me feel? ;_;
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By Odin.Eikechi 2013-02-22 21:43:46
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I'm tempted to watch it again, but I almost cried the first time, so... nope! It really was awesome though.
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 Siren.Kalilla
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By Siren.Kalilla 2013-02-22 21:54:04
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Odin.Eikechi said: »
I'm tempted to watch it again, but I almost cried the first time, so... nope! It really was awesome though.
I cried the first time I watched when Drokin shared it

it's such a powerful and emotional video/poem that I didn't stand a chance of holding it in :x
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By Bismarck.Shyral 2013-02-22 21:56:42
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Wow...powerful video.
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 Lakshmi.Byrth
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By Lakshmi.Byrth 2013-02-22 22:34:06
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Sounds like the emo fallout of male princess syndrome.
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By Quetzalcoatl.Xueye 2013-02-22 22:44:14
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Stuff like this is what keeps me going. It gets better.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to do what he did, to articulate the pain I went through from bullying all my childhood, but I think it's okay. Because there's people like him that can tell the rest of us how it really is. And it helps.

It makes it just a little better.
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 Ragnarok.Eriina
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By Ragnarok.Eriina 2013-02-22 23:08:47
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If only every middle school and high school teacher would show this in their homeroom class. Even just once a year.

There would be people who scoff. There always are. But even even one kid took a look at themselves and how they treat other kids and why, it'd be worth it.
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By Fenrir.Jinjo 2013-02-22 23:11:56
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Had already seen this, but I'd recommend watching it to those who haven't. '-'
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By Otomis 2013-02-22 23:19:22
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My family is small being a father to three wonderful daughters, and a husband to a courageous wife and her extensions of family. This is truly beautiful. Commonly I come across things like this and just plainly stare and click away, because I can not relate to the lives my children have nor to most who grew up even having the privilege to go to school or have family. But growing the majority of my childhood a homeless orphan: When this part in the film ran, I cried.

Just because I can not relate to the lives of my children or all the children who deal day by day with this type of hatred and intolerance; ever more confusing because when the world is lost to you - you fight like a dog in a corner with no time to think of how it feels. But, how much harder it must be to live in a world where love is blended with hatred. It is hard to even share my thoughts of this deep sadness. Imagining the rage and absolute hopelessness a child must feel. We see it in society; in the media; in our very own communities.

I have been very adamant in my own parenting to never be so abrasive using terms seen here..."Sticks and Stones" "Lace up the boots straps" etc. Remember to acknowledge your children and loved ones. Hug them, Kiss them, talk to them, care for them. Sometimes the smallest sign of hurt is merely a crack into a void of torment on the inside. A gentle gesture could be all is needed to begin them to heal.
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 Siren.Kalilla
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By Siren.Kalilla 2013-02-22 23:44:28
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Ragnarok.Eriina said: »
If only every middle school and high school teacher would show this in their homeroom class. Even just once a year.

There would be people who scoff. There always are. But even even one kid took a look at themselves and how they treat other kids and why, it'd be worth it.
I think it would be more effective for younger age groups, except this video would be too much for younger kids.

I still think it needs to be dealt with in every school, like you said, for all ages, especially when they're younger. Teachers never really talked about it when I went to school, they just did their job and treated it like one. I really wish there were more passionate teachers out there that cared about the kids, teaching them more than just the required material.

I do not believe that the person who bullies is the only person responsible for their actions. Sure, it starts at home, but their peers and teachers can be responsible as well. If you see it happening and you don't do anything about it you're just as much fault. It happens at a very young age and too many people either ignore it, or encourage it.

The 'victim' and the 'bully' might not be very different if you look at why this happens. The bully might be just as hurt as the victim, except they deal with their pain in different ways. They take it out on others, while the victim takes it from them. If these problems were dealt with the moment it is first witnessed by someone else, their lives could be changed completely because of it. They wouldn't become the victim, and this pattern wouldn't continue through their life, and the bully wouldn't lash out at others for their own pain, and they would get the help they need.

I don't believe that all bullies do it because they love to watch others in pain, be it emotionally or physically. It makes them feel better sure, but maybe to cover up the pain they are feeling, because everyone deals with pain, just some have more pain than others do.

If you're raised to feel like a princess and you expect others to treat you the same as you grow up, I believe you're just as damaged. So you take it out on others calling them ugly, being mean, so others look up to you and you gain the attention you crave. Doing everything and anything to make yourself look better and superior over others, because if you don't you're not happy with yourself. If you don't have others looking up to you thinking you're some kind of queen or king then you're not happy, because of how you were raised or how others treated you as you grew up.

Thinking that a relationship means that the other has to look up to you and do everything for you. That you'll seek any man that will treat you like royalty and will take your crap without talking back. There are problems with both genders, in every school, and I think videos like these that touch on these subjects, for all age groups, would greatly benefit kids growing up. It won't eliminate the problem, but I think it will help. I think if it helped even 1 person change their life and make the better of it it was worth it.
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