The Wisdom Of GM Dave

Rather than contribute to the hideously evil goals of our resident forum troll (Korpg), I figured this link deserved it's own thread where it wouldn't be buried on page 18 of a mindless thread. Just in case, I've posted it below in its entirety for those of us slaving away at the office... there's no reason why some people ought to miss out on a good laugh... Enjoy!

[PLEASE NOTE: Original Copyright and Authorship is property of the one and only GM DAVE. Also enumerated excuses were bolded for ease of reading by me.]

The Aftermath

When last we left our hero, [GM]Dave was informed he would spend an entire day dealing with the fallout of the duping exploit related bannings.

He was unhappy.

Then he actually started dealing with customers.

He was VERY unhappy.

What in the sweet Jesus hell is wrong with people?

You know you did something wrong. This isn't a big freaking surprise to you.

You were in a party doing a difficult event. During that event, you did something completely unorthodox that magically made three identical treasure pools.

Are you honestly trying to plead ignorance here?

Seriously?

You must be joking.

Here. I've got a joke for you.

What's got extra Salvage gear, but no account?

950 people.

Bah dump psshhh.

All day long, I had to deal with the most HELP I AM TRAPPED IN 2006 PLEASE SEND A TIME MACHINE, most asinine excuses for this activity.

Or, my personal favorite, the people who tried to rationalize the cheating and why they shouldn't be banned.

Yeah... That'll work.

Let's take a look at some of my favorite excuses/arguments:

1) I didn't know it was an exploit

I could maybe buy that if it happened once.

Or if you reported it to a GM immediately.

That would make sense. Something unexpected happened and it fell outside the range of normal game mechanics.

You would, of course, stop doing this action and report it, right?

If it was a bad thing, we'd hear about it immediately.

Every other update, when something goes wrong, we get umpteen million calls about one tiny little thing that doesn't work properly.

That ***drives you guys crazy.

But a similar problem turns out to be beneficial for you?

Oh hell no. If you reported it, they might fix it.

So, you do it again and again, and then have the nerve to get upset when you get banned for it.

Funny how that works, huh?

2) I thought it was an intentional game mechanic

Yeah, we put in that thing that gives you triple the rewards for every kill in an event.

And totally didn't mention it.

That sounds totally like us.

Some people have likened this to fighting Odin and having to heal during a high damage move. They try and suggest that it is a less orthodox mechanic and could be mistaken for an intended action.

Sure...

Let's just completely ignore the fact that one action is designed to mitigate damage and make it easier to defeat a boss, and the other magically gives you triple the drops after the fact.

If we ignore that part, your argument might start to resemble something passing for intelligence.

3) I was just doing what I was told

Really?

This is what you're going with?

Well, now we're telling you to stop playing.

Do that.

If you trusted someone else when they told you to do something entirely out of the ordinary and it produced completely insane results, something should have seemed wrong to you.

A little light should have gone off in your brain.

Maybe the light marked "Oh ***..."

You did what you were told and you did something wrong.

That's not an excuse.

4) SE made the mistake, not us

This is one of the big rationalizations people make.

This is also one of the dumbest.

Do you even understand the term "exploit"?

No one is suggesting you used a third party program. No one is suggesting you altered the program.

No one is suggesting you hacked our firewall or whatever.

You literally exploited a flaw in the programming. You found a mistake in a highly complex code and, rather than reporting it and leaving it alone, you took advantage or that flaw for your own gain.

This is the definition of an exploit.

There isn't a gamer on our planet that doesn't understand that exploits are bad and can get you banned.

Sure, someone made the mistake.

I get that.

Have you ever tried to program an MMORPG?

Neither have I, but it looks freaking hard.

People are bound to make mistakes.

As I mentioned before, if that mistake was bad for you, you would have reported it immediately. You'd be screaming at a GM in seconds.

You would expect us to fix that mistake immediately because it had unexpected consequences.

Like if the treasure pool autolotted to nobody.

Every time.

You would lose your mind.

But a similar flaw turns out to give you extra rewards?

Suddenly, that ***is someone else's problem.

And when it comes back to bite you in the ***, you turn around and act like the victim.

Nice.

5) It's not against the rules

This is perfectly correct.

Except for that rule that says you can get banned for intentionally exploiting any bug or glitch in the game.

The rule you agreed to when you signed up.

Other than that, perfectly correct.

6) This is a disservice to all FFXI players

Give me a minute...

Laughing too hard.

This is not a disservice to all players.

This is a disservice to the people who got banned.

We have literally removed your service.

Everybody else? They're still good.

They all got to log in the next day.

Oh, I know. I know that the boards and forums are filling up with people outraged about the bannings.

I'd guess there are roughly 950 people making very angry posts.

Now, why does that number sound familiar?

Oh... Right.

Just because you are very angry about getting banned, it doesn't mean everyone is angry about it.

Actually, most people seem very pleased with this.

But I guess 950 people making angry posts about how unfair the whole thing is would seem like a lot.

I guess they have nothing better to do.

7) SE just threw away money

Yes, I realize that all the people who got banned paid their fees every month.

Doesn't matter.

Every cheater pays their fees. If they don't, they don't get to play.

Kind of hard to cheat if you don't play in the first place.

Thus, if someone is found to be cheating in the game, you can be pretty sure they have paid their fees.

And yet, they still get banned.

Huh.

You'd think that SE thinks that the consistency of the game for the majority of the players is more important to them then the fees paid by those who would try and cheat.

Crazy, I know.

8) SE doesn't respect the players

Wait a second... Let's go back one.

SE is throwing away money to ban cheaters.

This suggests that SE puts the happiness of its players above any monetary gain.

They literally sacrificed money to ensure game balance.

For the players.

And then, in the same breath, you're suggesting that SE doesn't care about the players.

That doesn't make any sense.

This is called the "monkey technique".

Basically, they're just throwing ***at the wall and trying to see what sticks.

SE care about the players. They care about the customers.

You're just not a customer anymore.

9) This is going to...

You know what? Screw it.

You cheated.

And you know you cheated.

I know it. You know it.

We all know it.

You can make all the arguments you want. You can scream your excuses from the rooftops.

Just not any rooftops in Vana'diel.

I just clicked on the link and read it there, I think [GM]Dave has a new subscriber with me. <3 his demeanor.

Me too, I'd read his stuff before, but that last post convinced me to subscribe as well. ^^

Hahahahahahaha! That is fantastic! Maybe some people will stop their bitching now... but I doubt it. Denial is a ***, ain't it?

Actually The Nile is a river in Egypt... god that joke never gets old... tee-hee... *snicker*

I'm OK with people getting banned because of repeated use of exploits but just once might be a little extreme.

I can see how easy it is to have finished a Nyzul, do something like heal or refresh or switch gear for a little while and then have the pt leader say "OK, now lot on the gear"

I never did it so I don't know how it works and maybe that was impossible but it would suck to have been banned for a first,unintentional time.

As far as SE caring about it fans... I think SE cares about its JP fans, not so much about the rest of the world.

On the first GM call I ever made I told him the problem and his total response was, "You're new to this game, aren't you" at which point he said, "have a good night" and left. The game problem was that the money for an item on the AH never made it to my Dbox.

I told my brother-in-law about this (who plays the JP client and is OK with speaking JP and knows Kanji and Hiragana) and he says that JP GMs are almost always apologetic about the game forcing you to call a GM in the first place and will bend over backwards to address your problem before asking permission from you to leave.

Before anyone starts flaming me about racism; I'm half JP and my brother is entirely JP.

(NOTE: Let me pretend I'm Korpg for a second, as I imagine he'll post something like this...)

HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE HALF JP AND YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW LIVES IN JAPAN! I'm going to need a notarized copy of your birth certificate, some blood, and a picture. And even if I get those things, I still think you're wrong because 1) you're just one person, and 2) I once took a religion class in Japan or something so I know more about the culture than you do... FLAME! FLAME! FLAME! FLAME! FLAME! FLAME!

God that was oddly liberating and funny...

Seriously though, and this is my opinion not me pretending to me a dumber than a monkey troll, I think the point to take is that the GM quality for the rest to us is wildly variant. For every story good GM that actually does something to help, the rest of us have a bazillion stories where that was not the case.

IF SE really wanted to do something to improve the quality of life (QoL) for us rank and file players, they'd do something about about GM training. Maybe they do something along those lines already, but I really do think they need to kick it up a notch.

SE isn't about to lose money here -- I wish we could see how many of those who were banned come back at some point. Paying for another copy of the game with all expansions -- some probably already came back. Heck, I bet many opened new credit card accounts just so they hope the accounts wouldn't be linked.

Better yet, maybe "that which has no life" (lol South Park quote, I know), will stop playing all together; go out, finish school, get a job, move out of their parents basement, get a girlfriend/wife or try to repair the relationship you lost while questing your first relic and give up on spending 100 hours a week online just so you can rank in the top ten of a video game website and/or have "more than someone else" out there.

In a way, SE was helping the economy by booting those people, eh? More people going to work! More people opening new lines of credit! Stores are selling more copies of FFXI! And lots of people making many phone calls to SE to complain, putting our tele-communications people to work!

GM training? That would mean GM's would actually know something about the game though! Nothing like reporting a "RMT train walking through walls in Gusgen Mines to the mining spots" and their reply is "Did this event occur in Dragon's Aery?"

Another living (figuratively) proof sir, that you are an idiot.

I never question anyone's knowledge about anything unless I know for a fact that they are speaking out of their ***. Like you do so many times. I also give proof (or able to give you proof if needed) to why I think you are speaking out of your ***.

I never questioned anyone's facts unless I know that person is an idiot. Everyone here knows that your a drama queen who loves to start ***with other people (proof) because you have nothing better to do now that to constantly cause trouble.

I'm sorry for you sad excuse of life, but please, don't spread it around to other people. Some of us has more important things to do than to look at your failed attempt at life. Others comes to this forum looking for advice from good players who can give them good advice.

But still, this is very entertaining, so if you keep this up, at least it will give us a good laugh.

It's f-i-g-u-r-a-t-i-v-e-l-y you idjit (btw that's idiot in your language). Do me a solid favor and learn to spell before you start cracking down on me...

Proof? It's only your opinion... I don't exactly seeing the masses ganging up on me to quit talking. So far as I know you're the only one who is distressed by my posting. And really if you don't like it don't read... just like I don't read that banned thread you keep troll posting in.

Btw, thanks for calling me Sir. I actually didn't think you were capable of showing respect, so I sincerely appreciate this acknowledgment that I am one of your betters.

Sad excuse of a life, lol ya right.... Logically if I am here that means I have shelter/ access to a computer or at the very least the means to do so. Given that I am here posting I'm doing a whole hell of a lot better than those who are homeless and truly suffering. My life may not be perfect but who has one that is? I love what I have, and now you seriously expect me to take the bait and flame you back for the comment like I'm really going to be upset over something you wrote... I could hug you man, you make me laugh in ways infinite beyond the number of waves in the sea...

We ought to go drinking sometime...

LOL

Hmmm, funny I was thinking the exact same thing about you.

Seriously guys, grow up. You two look like bickering children on a school playground. It's as pathetic and ridiculous as it is embarrassing. You're sucking dry all the fun lighthearted randomness that which these forums live on with your own cloud of negativity and pointless drama between each other.

With that said, I would like to say for the record, that pie is good.

Cake > pie btw.

Yeah, you are right about that. I'm sorry about making this into a *** fest, couldn't help it when I wake up and find 3 different threads basically calling me out. Rational ideas would have screamed to not respond, but I was still groggy. Damn soda didn't kick in until like 3 minutes ago.

Basically, sorry for those who had to see that side of me. I have grown up beyond the point of childish bickerings, sorry for my little bit of weakness that comes from the lack of caffine.

Good day to you

Apology accepted. XD

The cake, however, is a lie.

Thank you, apology accepted graciously.

And I honestly think I'm the only person in the world who would actually want a birthday pie over a cake >_>

Please tell me I'm not alone!

GM training? That would mean GM's would actually know something about the game though! Nothing like reporting a "RMT train walking through walls in Gusgen Mines to the mining spots" and their reply is "Did this event occur in Dragon's Aery?"
--------------

Lol, that is so true, I GMed some RMT about something in Sky once and the GM was like, Where is sky, how can I find it, is this by chance a "slang" term? And I was like dumbfounded.

Hey Guffy aren't you the janitor for Planet Express?

This thread reminds me of how Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith had decided to tackle the internet on the end of one of their movies.. and how they were told from everyone on the intenet that they were scum or somthing like that... and that they took it to the road, and travelled to each person house and dealt with it.

You 2 should seriously meet, and deal with your issues. That way I can either see you two deal with it civilly or just finally get it over with.

Obviously you two share different views..Just end it already. Think most of us are tired of seeing it. Good thing this isn't on paper, or you 2 would have wiped out the rainforest by now!

/laugh!!

Actually the movie you're thinking of was 2001's Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back... They were going after flame throwing trolls who posted anonymously and trashed their movie with crappy reviews.



Issues/ Meeting/ As for ending it... scroll up...



This is a peace offering or so I would think, or at least as close as I would come to one.

Though I do agree that exploiting any sort of flaw in the game's code should not be tolerated, I find this particular approach to be a bit rash. I haven't seen this exploit in action (in fact, I've never even entered salvage...) but I still think that banning the accounts of everyone involved is excessive. My reasoning is that for all the times players are adversely affected by broken code (i.e. mysteriously dysfunctional assaults, magically disappearing drops in Dynamis, etc.), SE never displays the common courtesy to accept any liability for wasted time, money, experience, etc. Players, after dealing with such an event, are given the apologetic but ultimately valueless run-around and set back on their way, no better off than when they first encountered their problem. SE shows no remorse for such encounters but punishes brutally any who use such an error to their own ends; that's not to say I sanction in any way the actions of the offending players, but that I find the response on SE's part to be dubious as well.

I fail to see how the only acceptable response to this situation was to terminate the accounts of everyone involved. Frankly, I expect better of SE than a blanket ban in response to their own oversights.

Wall of text argh!

/em casting spell blindna <me>

I'm pretty sure GM Dave would respond to your recriminations by directing you to point #8

Seriously for those that don't like how it was handled run your own MMO or hire a lawyer, and sue the ***! Much as I hate saying this, I'm sure even Korpg wouldn't agree with the statement that the bans were overly harsh.

This is a rip off of the 18 page what seems liek last years news dupe crap yes? It was so long i stopped reading your Opening skipped to what a few people said and back to reply.

Everything has already been said.
They cheated the system.
The system found out.
They were punished.

Whether or not anyone dislikes or agree's with the action Square-Enix took to deal with the situation is irrelevant. If the situation was in my hands I probably would have went easier on them as i already said before. Stripping them of all salvage related gear items and wins. But i don't disagree with perma-ban. So whatever

What many fail to realize is the simple fact that SE pretty much owns us.
Our items, gil, time, characters and any other bit of data that we toy around with belongs to them and their choices of action are absolute. They are the judge, jury and executioner. Every time we log on we're agreeing to their terms and policies. Any misconduct or conflict against this agreement or pact we've made is subject to their judgment and action.

Whether you agree to their actions or not is irrelevant. All we can really do is smile and nod, and try and not be naughty to get ourselves in trouble. Nuff said.

Obviously he's not a fan of GM Dave...

Meh, I re-posted the blog entry in this thread so work friends who have parts of the internet banned could read. Whatever posts came after, hey that's free speech in action for ya so God bless America.

I'm begining to think Malek is Korpg, similar to Jimmeny Glick consitently hating on Martin Short. I think Andy Kuafman did the same thing prior to that. Just a thought though.

LoL... I assure you we're separate people...

^
I'm with you, pie prz

Depends on the cake and pie, for me.
Hypothetically, if it's a Mile High Apple Pie from the Amish farm in Sonora, California... HELL YEAH!
However, it's it's regular, store bought, blueberry pie... I'll take any cake over that.
And let's not forget the deliciousness of the Reece's Pieces Peanut Butter Cup Cake! When it comes to this cake, I drool at the mouth and my tongue hangs out like a dog begging for food! :-P

~Yotevol