How Do You Deal With Your Nerves?

I think I have like this serious issue where when I'm thrown into an unfamiliar situation that I can foresee approaching in the near future, I get ridiculously anxious and uncomfortable days beforehand. Like for example, I have to attend this stupid 4 hour class in after tomorrow for a course on driving cause I was recently in a dumbass accident I'd like to forget about. Anyway when I found about it earlier it totally ruined my day. It's going to be ridiculously long and AWKWARD. I don't know what we could possibly do for four hours but it's going to be dreadful. But it's not just things like that, it's almost anything that isn't part of my daily routine that wracks my nerves and drives me crazy with worry. Sometimes, I find when I'm put on the spot, like reading something in front of a group, I lose control and I can't breathe or speak properly and I shake and it's a total nightmare. I work at a call centre and the other day some girl came on my phone and warned me it was a test and of course there was this *humongous* script I had to read so I started to freak out as I read it. I couldn't speak properly and I was basically hyperventalating and I just couldn't get myself under control. I've never learnt how to deal with these situations, or calm myself and it drives me crazy. I'm 19 years old and I wonder if this is the major reason why I feel my life is going nowhere.
So I was curious how other people deal with nerves, or how they experience things differently from myself. Please share! I need to learn how to calm myself the *** down somehow.

Those don't sound like normal symptoms of just 'being nervous.' You might actually have a medical problem. Could you go to a doctor or a counselor? They could probably help you out, it would be awful if you got hurt somehow because of this.

I am not a doctor but I do work in a state hospital and it sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. Getting the jitters is normal, however when it starts to affect your daily routine in a bad way you should seek professional help. Don't worry though anxiety disorders are pretty common and there are medications and coping skills that a physician can provide you with to help with your symptoms so you can lead a less worrisome life. Good luck to you :)

I just don't know what to do :( Going to seek help... It's so much easier said than done, in the real world at least. And yeah, I get deep feelings of dread alot. I start counting certain things down by noting that "this shower" or "this sleep" will be the final one before it happens. It's *** horrible and every time the problem arises I get more and more fed up with it. Clearly I am not growing out of it like I hoped

And I certainly do feel as though it is hindering me, whether I'm aware of it at all times or not. If I can avoid a situation that makes me feel this way that I will try my best to do so. That's why I could never handle the pressure of going on a date with someone I'm not familiar with, the anticipation beforehand and the intensity during, it's too bloodu much. I'd rather never date at all. It applies to so many things that should make me happy.

No, you feel that your life is going nowhere because it hasn't gone anywhere yet. You are still young, and your life is still full of possiblities. You can do the following still:

A) Go to college (community, state, or the best yet, private)
B) Get a girlfriend (or boyfriend if thats your thing.....or girlfriend if thats your thing................or a cat, and say your hand is your new "girlfriend")
C) Travel the world (don't say that money is a problem, thats what savings accounts are for)
D) Get a career (hey, if you can't drive too much, go to New York, you won't have to worry about driving at all, thanks to public transportation)

You have your whole life ahead of you. Its what you do with your life that defines who you are.

Sounds to me like you're having some type of panic attack. A good friend of mine used to be a salesman at my old job, and he'd be talking to someone, then all of a sudden he would start sweating and shaking, breathing problems, stuttering...kinda similar to what you describe. It was pretty debilitating in his case, sometimes it seemed like he was scared to death when you talked to him, wild eyed and all, but he would go into the bathroom and relax for a minute, calm his breathing down, and it would pass in like 10 minutes or so. Sometimes it was in direct response to something specific (a customer asking him a difficult question, a difficult customer in general, or even just an abnormally busy day), but other times it seemed to be completely at random...at least to an outside observer. Maybe he was thinking about stressful ***at the time?

At any rate, he eventually saw his doctor and got prescribed Xanax, and it helped a lot in his case...I don't think he really got them too often after that. If he did, it sure as hell wasn't as bad as it was before.

See your doctor as soon as you can. They will have something that will help calm you down, and also be able to refer you to a psychologist or counselor that you can talk about this with...they'll be able to give you tips to calm yourself down when you get these episodes.

Talk to your doctor about this, get prescribed if recommended.

I don't like taking pills, or encourage pill takers, unless for "if you don't take this pill 1 time per day, you will die" situations.

If you have the option of talking to a shrink, do that before the pill. It might be a mental problem (you could have saw somebody get killed when you were really young, that messes up a lot of people).

Hit the gym, do it often and stay consistent. This will help with relieving stress and also build self-confidence. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Sounds like you are having a Fight of Flight response. Anticipation is a ***, worse than the actual event. Step out of your comfort zone more, this will prepare you for future situations.

Anticipating my wedding date was rough, I tried not to think about it lol :)

I agree with Korpg, try to resolve this without drugs, you are young and can do it.

When is the date?

And do you need a paper bag now?

I disagree with anticipation being worse than the actual event. I can't think of any examples but I know I hold the general the notion that the event almost always turns out for the worse with me, perhaps because of the way I anticipate it. I don't know, I think I went through a brief period where I was more outgoing but after too many failures I don't believe I can change it anymore. It's too mentally degrading. It's not just that either, though. I've started to develop this thing where when I talk I get tangled with my words alot, even under totally stress free situations. It's not really stuttering, just a messed up tangle of words. I usually just brush it off, but it irritates me and I don't know why it happens. Sometimes I feel like I'm lacking something everyone around me has, when it comes to whatever would make me more sociable at least. But at the same time I like to elevate myself from other people around me mentally, alot of the time make myself feel superior in some way. It's very confusing and contradictory and by golly I just don't know what is really wrong with me anymore

It was last year, Oct 19th and it was fun.

Problem number 1. Think of people as your equals. Thats the best way to help solve your problem.

Second problem: You are being too hard on yourself. People tend to be hard on themselves more than on others.

Every "failure" you have is just a failure you think is important enough to remember. Which leads to more "failures." Instead of thinking that they are "failures" think of them as being "improvement opportunities." Instead of being negative, start thinking positive.

You might (or probably already do) think I'm an idiot for saying this. You think I have no experience with this type of situation. You are.....wrong. I used to think the same way as you do. I thought that everything is against me and that every failure I made was just the world laughing at me. Then, I realized that it wasn't the world who is laughing at me, it was my own insecurities in this matter.

I proceeded (a long and hard path) into thinking of not about letting my emotions control me, but of me controlling my emotions. This is a dangerious time for you, and I would recommend help (family, friends, co-workers, people from your LS, anyone really) down this path. I was lucky enough to be able to do this mostly by myself, but I know for a fact that I would have benifited by asking for help at periods when help was needed.

My advice (before I go back to class) is to not let your negativity control you. Control your negativity, and never.....ever jump off the ledge. Watch some comedies during your downtimes. Talk to people more about your feelings. If you have to, talk to a shrink.

I came to the conclusion after a pretty dramatic event in my life not too long ago that I wouldn't do anything like that, I got to live this *** life out. And I know I'm a very negative person, but I honestly just don't see any alternatives, not lately. It's hard to look at each day positively, very hard. I also think there's a misunderstaning with my word usage when I say superior, it's more like I just like to "pretend" I'm getting more attention than I probably am, in certain situations, like at work or walking around a mall. I like to think people are looking at me, in a good way. You'd think I'd build on some sort of confidence with this notion but all my other traits totally clash, it's so bizarre.

You have illustrated several symptoms that could be associated with both Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder. It is important that you see a therapist, counselor, or medical doctor as soon as possible. Assuring a stable future, as Korpg suggested, and engaging in physical activity, as Scragg suggested, may also help. I also find that meditation is a effective method of reducing stress and sadness. However, if you believe that you are "lacking something everyone around you has," you should seek help. As hard as that seems, it's worth it, trust me.

Pretty much all these replies so far are great advice and you would do well to heed them. Especially exercise. There is also a plethora of good drugs out there to help dull your feelings of anxiety/out of place-ness and most doctors and psychiatrists hand them out like candy.
Chemical treatment coupled with cognitive behavioral therapy sounds like something you should look into and talk to your GP about, Good Luck!

I suggest a few things.

1) See a doctor and/or psychologist/counselor. If they prescribe you something, take it as recommended.
2) Get into Martial Arts.

Martial arts will help you physically and mentally... It builds people skills, self-confidence, humility, respect for yourself and others, amongst many other useful things for life. Its good for the body and good for the mind, its fun, and it really does have a lot of mental benefits.

If Martial Arts isn't your thang, and hitting the gym is, go with that. You'll get more of the "yes I did it!" from Martial Arts, though. Its a huge confidence booster, and builds a stronger, leaner type of muscle than pumping iron does. Gym is bulk, Martial Arts is strength. ^^

Also, what kind of foods and drinks are you consuming, are you on any medications...? Not eating right can really *** things up, and so can medicinal side-effects.

Without knowing what that event is (and don't mention it, at all, because people are evil and will flame you for it), you should always tell yourself this: At least I'm not dead. At least I have the ability and drive to change myself from this (point A) and move towards a better life (point B).

Don't ever give up. I promise you, things will get better, its just the question of how fast you want it to be better.

Wow you're Canadian, and I drive a truck everyday for work.. and i'm wondering a 4 hour seminar... MTO or OPP thing???

... even so.. I hope yo umade it out alive.. b/c either both of these type are /*** swords in my opinion!

Everyone pretty much said the solutions for me, so I wish you luck in future endeavors and I truly hope you overcome your anxiety.

Another minor solution that comes to mind and helped me get through life in general is playing your favorite music really loud. Totally zones you out of reality's BS even if only for a short while. Until it needs to come to focus, it's just you in your own rockin state of mind; nothing quite like it.

All I can add to these posts that have gone past already is similar sentiments.

One point I thought i'd highlight though... several people have mentioned seeking professional help. Pardon me if you've taken steps towards this already, this is assuming you havn't.

Getting past the initial reluctance to seek help is incredibly difficult for many people. Even having experienced it myself I don't know why it's so hard... sometimes I thought that the way one feels has been so ingrained into one's mind, that even if it's horrible the initial compulsion is to stick with it because it's familiar. I just wanted to reenforce how seeking professional help is such a load off your mind as long as you go into it with an open one, and how it helps you realise that there is always a way out, and you're not the only one feeling the way you do.

Having someone deal with your thoughts and feelings compassionately, but also constructively and encouragingly made all the difference for me. They're not judging you or thinking that you're wasting their time. I even found this with free counsellors, they really do want to help.

On the subject of feeling that your life may be going nowhere... my life is currently going nowhere in particular... but it's going^^. I've been reminded very recently that a LOT can change even in the space of one year, so more than anything please be assured things always get better! My friend i'm 22, and 2 years ago almost precisely my life was a terrible mess (you have no idea) and I thought i was incapable of handling it, like it was all perpetual.

i can wholeheartedly say it isn't and you've got a lot of good coming your way. When you overcome THIS, imagine the sense of accomplishment... I know it's almost impossible to think positively right now... but that doesn't mean people shouldn't tell you things that are true =). Best of luck to you man, I have the utmost faith in you.

Sorry for the Wall o' Text ><.

I'm 19 and I used to have the same problems. The only thing that really helps me is if I really prepare myself for something. I always feel on-edge, especially when it comes to school. I sometimes loose sleep just worrying about tests and speeches I have to make, so the only thing that will ease my mind is if I study my head off. I eventually realized that I'll do whatever it takes to be ready for something, and thats all I can do. Also, the day I picked up an agenda and actually started using it was the day a lot of my stress went away. The BIGGEST issue for me was walking into something unexpected. This is just my two cents though. Good luck ^^

The advice from everyone who's posted here is pretty sound.

While I'm nowhere near as nervous as that, in the sense that I don't worry about most things, I always worry about women. That's the one thing I can't stop being nervous around, even the ones I talk to on a daily basis.

As far as tests and speeches go, I have a bad attitude towards them, "I don't care" (to be short and simple about it). I say what I think is right and relevant, if people don't like it.. Sucks to be them.

Just under 12 months ago, I applied to do a PGCE (Post-Graduate Certificate in Education) for Secondary School (11-16) I.T.

The majority of the day was split up into: Informal Discussion, Group discussion with 5~6 others, Comprehension Exercise and a Presentation.

The informal discussion was a simple 5-10min talk with the headteacher (principal) of a school and the course leader at the university.

The group discussion was the other 5 people, me and the two aforementioned staff members discussing a set topic based on a short article (Something about internet censorship in schools). After this, we did something else for 10min (if I remember right, it was a quickfire Q&A round), then told to write a short essay (10min time limit) on the article we read about 30min previous.

After we did this, we were given an order to do our presentations in front of the staff and then we were free to go home. (Yay for being last >.>)

Even though I had no real preperation done, (I had literally scribbled 4-5 points down on a piece of paper because I got some introduction pack late), I had no real trouble making it up on the spot.

And then the day ended and I went home.

Now, 6 months later one of my colleagues from work applied for the same course, but in a different subject. He asked me what happened during that day, I explained everything to him and he started panicking a lot about what he was going to do.

I gave him a copy of everything I wrote and everything I got back from the University (after failing to get in), so he could see what I was expected to do to have a chance at entry.

He spent about a month worrying over what was going to happen and asked me every week if I knew anything else that would be a good idea and not.

He got accepted after worrying for so long, and the first thing he said to me when he got to work the week after was "That was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting".

Now, I've gone a little offtrack, so I'll do a "tl;dr".

I generally don't deal with nerves well, like I said, the only thing that typically puts the fear of god up me is talking to women >.> but, I generally take a few REALLY deep breaths, and think about something completely unrelated that I think's calming and just ramble, then hope that whatever I say makes sense >.>

I remember the last women I asked out, I in fact texted her 3 days before I asked her out face-to-face, then I found out she lost her phone, which I found out 3 days later when I went to work and spoke to her.

People who know me know I like to make jokes out of everything, quite literally anything that isn't like "My goldfish died..", I don't know why, it just makes life more interesting I think. So I try to fit whatever I do into some form of joke, such as:

"Did you get my text the other day?"
"No, I lost my phone again >.>"
"...wtf? >_> how many of those do you go through?"
"meh.. one a week..ish"
[insert few minutes wait]
"You know.. you still haven't answered my question >.>"
"What question?"

That's when I'd ask again.

tl;dr #2!

I know I've rambled.. a lot, but if there was any advice I could even try to give from it all, try to be relaxed before you willingly walk into a scenario where you know you'll be uncomfortable, I like taking a deep breath and then going in head first, gets it over with fast. This doesn't work for everyone, but I'd say it was worth a shot if you have nothing to lose!

Hope I've said something that might help >.>
Good luck!